With Halloween quickly approaching, I thought I’d take a look at one of the scariest things on the internet – homemade band merchandise being sold on eBay. A look through the listings for any popular artist will reveal an assortment of extremely unofficial merchandise featuring an array of poor artwork, misspellings, and general bad taste. Let’s take a look at 10 of these gems available for purchase on eBay right now…

Lil Wayne Gangster Rap Marbles

It’s a common holiday predicament: what to get for the person whose only two passions in life are the music of Lil Wayne and the classic game of marbles. Well, lucky for us, there’s now a fine eBay seller who’s created none other then Lil Wayne marbles! Problem solved!

Jonas Brothers Wood Door Hanger

Now everyone’s favorite teen pop virgins can let your family know whether it’s okay to come in your room! According to the item’s description, “We are hand making each item…don’t expect perfection.” I think it’s fair to say that “perfection” is not of huge importance to anyone purchasing this item based on its photo. It is good to know that this work of art will come signed by the artist though.

Creed Corset

What better way to celebrate god rockers Creed than by purchasing this fine corset top? Grab this one while you can, since the seller warns that, “If you miss this auction, please don’t ask me to make it again or alter it in different sizes.” Personally, I think that’s good news, since you certainly don’t want to have to worry about going to church wearing the same Creed corset that everybody else has.

Marilyn Manson Socks

Nothing shows your devotion to the antichrist superstar like a pair of what appear to be previously used socks. Of course these aren’t just any previously used socks; these are socks splattered with paint and a hastily drawn picture of the singer’s head. Everyone will know you’re pure evil when they see your pink socks with paint on them.

Rob Zombie Changed My Life

When I first saw this shirt, I thought it might be crap…but then I read the item’s description in which the seller assured me that there is “NO CRAP SOLD HERE!!!” So that’s settled. Still, even if Rob Zombie had, in fact, changed my life, I’m not sure I’d advertise that fact in bright green print on a t-shirt.

Kid Rock Keychain

According to the description, this keychain allows you to “Show off your artist pride like NO ONE ELSE!” I tend to agree with that. I don’t think anything could possibly display your white trash pride quite like a heart keychain with Kid Rock’s head in it.

My Chemical Romance Stocking

This Christmas, it really won’t matter if you’ve been naughty or nice when you’ve got this awesome My Chemical Romance stocking. One can only imagine what sort of treats the lucky winner of this auction will be getting. I do have to give the seller credit for helpfully posing the stocking with a ruler – after all, you wouldn’t want to purchase this and then realize it’s not big enough to fit your eyeliner and carton of hair dye.

Fall Out Boy “Mrs. Stump” Tank Top

Since I found this within the Fall Out Boy clothing category, I’m assuming it’s a reference to FOB singer Patrick Stump. However, setting aside for a moment the reasons why anyone might want to wear this, there is a rather slim chance of anyone understanding this shirt in the first place. Honestly, people are more likely to think you’re celebrating the fact that you married some random dude who probably works at the post office. Or that you’ve only got one leg.

Rolling Stones Dollar Bill

Even Mick Jagger looks surprised to find himself on this dollar bill. According to the item’s seller, “This is a real mint one dollar bill with a picture of Mick Jagger placed over George Washington’s face…This is legal and negotiable tender, and this process has been permitted since 1967.” I have no idea whether that’s true, but if you decide to try to spend this, please write me and let me know how that works out for you.

Coldplay “Chris Martir” Wallet

What Coldplay fan wouldn’t want this wallet featuring an awesome photo of singer Chris Martin…er…“Martir”? The seller takes great care to note that this item is “rare,” which is no doubt true, given that it has this lesser known spelling of his last name. Real fans know that all Chris’ friends call him Martir though – don’t be fooled by the conventional spelling you might find in magazines, videos, and Coldplay CDs.

Tags: coldplay, creed, ebay, fall out boy, jonas brothers, lil wayne, marilyn manson, my chemical romance, rob zombie, rolling stones

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This entry was posted on Thursday, October 30th, 2008 at 9:24 am and is filed under Interweb, Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.