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Not Hot Hotties

Most of us have, at some point, been attracted to someone who may have lacked classic good looks, but just had “that certain something.” Maybe it’s their personality, maybe it’s their demeanor, maybe it’s only on the days they wear that one red dress. The same sliding scale of hotness applies to certain celebrities – those that you wouldn’t necessarily look at twice if they worked at the mall, but in that one movie, you’d hop into bed with ‘em in a second. Here at Blendetta, we’ve compiled a list of our favorite “Not Hot Hotties” — keep reading to see who made the list…

The Guys

  Jeremy Piven: Entourage is a fantastic show, but even if it sucked worse than Flavor Flav’s sitcom, I would still watch every week just to think about letting sleazy super agent Ari Gold do unspeakable things to me.  Funny, I can’t say I ever felt that way about the dude from PCU.   
Not
Hot
     
  Hugh Grant: If you saw him walking down the street, you probably wouldn’t notice him. But you have to admit, he’s completely adorable in About a Boy, Notting Hill, Love Actually, and in Bridget Jones’ Diary.  
Not
Hot
     
  Christopher Meloni: On Law & Order, Meloni is just another L&O cop. But on prison drama Oz, Chris was hot enough to make both the Blendetta ladies think that gettin it on with a bisexual serial killer might not be such a bad idea.  
Not
Hot
     
  Colin Firth: Maybe I just have a thing for british gents, or maybe I just love Love Actually and Bridget Jones’ Diary. Either way, in both of those movies, you realize: “Wow, I don’t think I’d mind waking up next to him”.  
Not
Hot
     
  Ewen McGregor: I always did have a thing for the glam rock boys.   McGregor may have become a household name after Star Wars, but it’s rock star Curt Wild of Velvet Goldmine whose shiny pants I wanted to get into.  
Not
Hot
     
  Olivier Martinez: I remember watching Unfaithful and thinking to myself “Why the eff would you cheat on Richard Gere with THAT guy”. After a few of the steamy Olivier Martinez scenes I began to say “Oh, I get it now”.  
Not
Hot
     
  James Marsters: Marsters heated up Buffy for quite some time as Spike, the sexy sarcastic British vampire.  So much so that I tracked down some of his other work – and realized he was just some dude from California.  
Not
Hot
     
  Kevin Spacey: Ok, might be a weird one for some of you, but I think he’s totally hot. His role as Lester Burnham in American Beauty made me regret not cheerleading in high school. I loved him in that role so much that I made the time to watch Swimming with Sharks.  
Not
Hot
     
  Kyle MacLachlan: I remember MacLachlan as one of my first celebri-crushes – he had a certain quirky charisma as Agent Dale Cooper on Twin Peaks.  But there’s a fine line between quirky and creepy, and that line was crossed in pretty much everything else he’s been in.  
Not
Hot
     
  Robert DeNiro – I’m not even talking about Travis Bickle. I’m talking about Jimmy Conway of Goodfellas fame. There’s something about those gangster types. Seems like fun… at least until it gets scary.  
Not
Hot
     

The Ladies

  Alyson Hannigan: Don’t get me wrong, Alyson is almost always cute.  But it was only in her role on Buffy the Vampire Slayer as lesbian witch Willow that she crossed over from “awww’” to “daaaamn!”  
Not
Hot
     
  Keira Knightley:  Only in Hollywood can a woman this thin be considered so to be so beautiful. I probably weigh 2x more than her and people used to think I was skinny. Guess it’s because I’ve never stared in a Pirate movie.  
Not
Hot
     
  Gillian Anderson: Agent Scully — the original postergirl for “hot cause she’s in sci-fi.”   Many an average looking space-lovin “hottie” followed in her footsteps.  
Not
Hot
     
  Helen Hunt: A woman with average looks who can transform into a total hottie, sporting a wife-beater, while chasing tornados in Twister. She was also pretty adorable in As Good as It Gets.  
Not
Hot
     
  Shannon Doherty: As 90210 original Brenda Walsh, Doherty had a certain brunette bad girl appeal.  Outside of the Beverly Hills zip, she could be any girl working at the mall.  
Not
Hot
     
  Sigourney Weaver: She’s only hot because she stared in Alien. She’s got that above mentioned “hot cause she’s in sci-fi” thing going on. Not that she’s unattractive… I just doubt that guys would drool over her if she hadn’t been in outer-space killing space creatures.  
Not
Hot
     
  Tina Fey:  There’s something to be said for the sexy librarian look, and Fey had that market cornered as SNL’s snarky Weekend Update anchor.  Otherwise, she just kinda looks like one of your mom’s friends.  
Not
Hot
     
  Linda Hamilton: See Sigourney Weaver. Replace the word “Alien” with “Terminator”, “outer-space” with “future” and “space creature” with “robot”.  
Not
Hot
     
  Sarah Jessica Parker:  They say the clothes don’t make the man…but sometimes they sure do make the woman.  Take Sarah Jessica Parker, whose appeal on Sex and City lay more in Carrie’s signature style than Parker’s signature look.  
Not
Hot
     
  Janeane Garofalo: Not quite sure about this one, but I know a lot of guys who find her to be irresistible. They’re the same guys who fell in love with Darlene from Roseanne and Topanga from Boy Meets World.  
Not
Hot
     

Alright, well, that’s our list. If you have anything to say about it, please do - comments are welcome!

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12 Responses to “Not Hot Hotties”

  1. Rick Boyer Says:

    I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

  2. jay Says:

    Since you brought up Buffy, I would have added Sarah Michelle Gellar. She is hot but only sometimes.

  3. Kitty Says:

    OMG. Loved the post! How refreshing to read your comments and opinions that were obviously written w/o hesitation or reservation. The photo collage, with Burt Reynolds as the “centerpiece,” was quite well done. Yeah, he was never hot, but he was totally considered a major hottie back in the day. Didn’t get it then; still don’t get it.

    Hey, you forgot somebody — what about Al Pacino? He’s in your picture but not written about. He’s so f’in hot in Godfather II but so not hot in Scarface. Anyway ladies, loved the post.

  4. headbang8 Says:

    I noticed a few in your collage that didn’t quite make it into the list, but who certainly qualify as hot in the right light/from a certain angle/after a few drinks.

    Liam Neeson–spectacular hidden talent, so they say
    Ray Liotta–watch the way he moves. Understated athleticism.
    Uma Thurman–not conventionally attractive, one could argue, but also moves in an incredibly sexy way.
    Russell Crowe was hot in “The Sum of Us”, and not since.

    And Kitty is right about Al Pacino.

    Fondly, HB8

  5. exmodia Says:

    hmmm….

    Where’s Johnny Depp on that list. He was actually quite hot…once.

  6. Sue Says:

    You didn’t see Pride and Predudice B.B,C. production, Colin Firth as Mr Darcy had most of the women in England going weak at the knees

  7. meggs Says:

    GAH! i love jeremy piven. i agree with most of this list.

  8. EB Says:

    Kevin Spacey, Liam Neeson, Christopher Meloni, but you forgot Alan Rickman. :)

  9. Alicia Says:

    Fun page… I tend to agree on most of them… how about Goran Visnjic, who played the sexy Croation doc, Luka, on ER?! He lost a lot of his sexiness, unfortunately, when he cheated on his wife, got the girl preggers, and then denied the baby… kinda makes any man a bit uglier!

  10. Scarlet Says:

    I’ve met James Marsters in person, and let me tell you–he’s just as hot (just hot of a different non-British vampire variety). Check out his “P.S. I Love You” premier pics.

  11. Jazz Says:

    Marsters is also hot in Torchwood.

    Hugh Grant is hot in every role except that terrible gangster flick.

  12. RunningWolf Says:

    Interesting post. It seems that celebrities are normal people after all, just like you and me. Some of them even get bald (like me) :)

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